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“Killing Me,” written by Conan Gray, Max Martin & Oscar Holter, is a song released on the 31st of October, 2023. It is the new single for Conan Gray’s 2023 album. The meaning of “Killing Me” lyrics by Conan Gray is the misery of a toxic relationship, where the intensity of love is self-destructive. It is a song about the singer’s struggles in his love life. The lyrics clearly show that his relationship is self-destructive and he wants a way out of it. However, the toxicity and addictive nature of his relationship is barring him from his freedom. You can listen to Conan Gray’s “Killing Me” below.
Conan Gray, Killing Me: Song Meaning Explained
The first verse of “Killing Me” lyrics by Conan Gray confronts the late hours of the night as his phone is ringing. With the lyrics, “It’s 2 AM, hear the cellular ringin’ // Got the curious feelin’ you’re fiendin’ for love,” the singer suspects that the caller is lonely and wants his attention at 2 AM. Also, the lyric, “But the thing is, we haven’t spoken for weeks” means the caller is longing for Conan’s love that withered over weeks of silence. Here, the lyric, “I love you bad, that’s the problem occurrin’,” means their love is toxic but it is too irresistible to let go. Even though the singer knows he deserves better, he finds himself spending time with the caller regardless.
In the Pre-Chorus of the song, Conan Gray begins with the lyric, “So you take and you take ’cause you know you can.” This means Conan’s lover is a taker and not a giver in the relationship. His lover has more power and control over him. The lyrics, “And I chase as you’re chasin’ another man // Try to break, see your face and I know that I can’t” mean that Conan chases his lover while his lover plays hard to get. It is a toxic cycle of frustration and desperation for love.
The chorus of “Killing Me” lyrics by Conan Gray is his plea to his lover to stop making things difficult. Conan wants his lover to acknowledge the love and the sacrifices being made from his end. The lyrics, “Too busy deceivin’ and cheatin’ and lyin’ and competin’ // To know how lucky you are,” mean Conan Gray is frustrated with his lover as his lover neither understands nor appreciates the depth of his feelings for his lover. Also, the lyrics, “I just want you to free me (Ah-ah-ah) // And though I am cryin’ and bleedin’ and barely breathin’ // I can’t let go of your heart” mean even though the singer wishes to leave this relationship, the toxicity has made him addicted to staying.
In the second verse, Conan Gray confronts his lover as he picks up the call. Here, the lyric, “I take your call, you say, “What’s the matter?” shows his lover asking Conan what happened as if Conan is the one who was calling. Also, the lyrics, “Then you lie to me faster and faster, you’re such a good actor // I hear your car in the driveway” mean the singer can see through his lies and deceit but is unable to do anything about it as his lover is already in the driveway waiting for him. Then, in the next Pre-Chorus, Conan Gray reveals that his lover tossed a rock at his windowpane to get his attention. But he responded by saying he doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. In the Bridge and Outro sections of the song, Conan Gray sings, “but you keep me alive.” This means he is thriving because of the toxicity as it has become very addictive for him. Read the complete original lyrics of Conan Gray’s “Killing Me” via Genius.
Context of “Killing Me” Meaning by Conan Gray
Conan Gray has been teasing the song “Killing Me” since the 28th of September, 2023. Before announcing the official release of the song on the 13th of October, 2023, the singer kept posting teasers of more snippets on his social media, primarily TikTok. The release date of “Killing Me” by Conan Gray was set to be on the day of Halloween and it definitely has a scary meaning of self-destructive behavior behind its lyrics. However, later, he informed his fans on Instagram that the music video for this song that was originally planned had been canceled. The announcement teaser for the release of the song is below.
Later, Conan Gray released a Lyric Video of the song “Killing Me” on the 31st of October, 2023 instead of the official Music Video they had originally planned for. Watch the lyric video of the song below.